Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
