i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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