Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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