I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
