what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have feelings that need drinking.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
