i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
