ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
