I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
