then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
