Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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