my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
