i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
