Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
