The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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