I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
