hotel room ftw
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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