So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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