I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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