he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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