I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
