Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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