You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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