The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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