my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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