I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
