Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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