For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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