just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
