so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
