The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
