Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
