You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
