I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
