So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
