three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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