Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
