M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
