She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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