Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
