my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
