9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
