I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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