We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize