the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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