If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm like, not good at living.
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