The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
