I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
