Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
