Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm going to jail i love you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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