I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
