this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
