i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize