dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
