remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
