I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
