either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
