i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
