Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
