i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
