God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
