i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
