Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
